With Anniversary 9 aloft us, we are added than center through the 2017 season, which makes appropriate now the absolute time to duke out some midseason awards.
Fortunately for me, addition abroad at CBSSports.com was already assigned that task, so I'm activity to amount NFL-related Halloween apparel instead. If you're account this on Halloween, again you'll accept a last-minute apparel idea. If you're account this ancient afterwards Halloween, again you'll accept account for abutting year. There's no downside here.
The aboriginal abstraction you should address bottomward is avocado toast. Apparently, it's not aloof a adorable breakfast for millennials anymore, it's additionally the absolute abstraction for a couples costume. I apperceive what you're thinking, "Who would absolutely abrasion an avocado acknowledgment apparel and what would that alike attending like?"
The answers to those questions are Tom Brady, Gisele and it would apparently attending like this.
Of course, the one botheration with this apparel is that I'm not abiding Brady would absolutely abrasion it. I've apprehend his book and I don't alike anticipate he's accustomed to eat toast. That's way too abounding carbs. This would accomplish way added faculty if they were both avocados. Brady loves avocado everything. I mean, the guy basically put avocado ice chrism on the map. I'm not abiding which map, but it's on some map because of him.
By the way, if you haven't been afterward the avocado acknowledgment phenomenon, it's basically the actionable meal of millennials. Millennials adulation the avocado toast. As a amount of fact, I bet Sean McVay makes the absolute Rams agenda eat the actuality at atomic six times a day.
She ability be on to something.
As for Brady, I'm not abiding what his balustrade is activity to attending like on Halloween, but I'm academic his decorations are activity to attending article like this.
Happy Halloween!
A column aggregate by Mitch (@soberdiesel) on Oct 30, 2017 at 9:17pm PDT
If you put that attic at a balustrade in Atlanta, it would alarm everyone.
Let's get aback to the costumes, though. If you're not into contemporary Halloween costumes, you can consistently go as your admired NFL player/social amends warrior. This kid's apparel is so good, he ability be able to alpha a movement on his own.
The alone downside of that apparel is that you're not activity to get actual abundant bonbon if you absorb the absolute night on your knee.
Of course, if you appetite to dress up as quarterback who's absolutely still in the NFL, you can atom the Kaepernick apparel and go as Aaron Rodgers. For some reason, that seems to be a appealing accepted affair to do in Minnesota this year.
It can additionally be a father-son costume.
Or alike a apparel that you do with your best friend.
Alright, that's abundant Halloween allocution for now. Let's get to the picks.
Actually, afore I get to the picks, here's your account admonition to analysis out all the picks from every NFL biographer actuality at CBSSports.com.
The acumen you should bang over and analysis out the added experts this anniversary is because our Fantasy guru, Jamey Eisenberg, was about absolute in Anniversary 8 with a 12-1 record. Jamey's absolute activity basically consists of giving out admonition for Fantasy Football and aback he's not giving out advice, he's cerebration about giving out advice. To he honest, I accept no abstraction aback he has time to accomplish his NFL picks. Also, I'm not abiding what his abstruse is aback it comes to acrimonious games, but I anticipate his success has article to do with the actuality he alone tweets out alliterative phrases.
I'm not abiding how that helps him, but it's acutely working.
Anyway, if you appetite to use Eisenberg's picks this week, I advance afterward him on Twitter. If you don't appetite to chase him, I absolutely understand, it's not accessible accepting acclimated to addition who alone tweets in alliteration.
Alright, let's get to the Anniversary 9 picks.
1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Instead of watching bold blur this week, Andy Dalton ability appetite to watch "Rocky IV", because honestly, watching Rocky's action with the Russian is apparently the best way for Dalton to mentally adapt for the beatdown he's acceptable activity to booty in Jacksonville. Not alone is Dalton on clip to get sacked added than 50 times this year, but he'll be activity up adjoin a Jaguars aegis that's on clip to breach the NFL single-season sack record.
That's not a abhorrent idea.
The Jaguars accept hit the 10-sack mark in two altered amateur this division and they'll be activity up adjoin a Bengals abhorrent band that protects about as able-bodied as a... well, let's aloof say they don't assure well.
Of course, aloof because Dalton's activity to get sacked 47 times in this bold doesn't beggarly the Bengals are activity to lose. Although the Jaguars accept one of the best defenses in the NFL, they won't alike accept the best aegis in this bold from a statistical standpoint. The Bengals are alone giving up 295 yards per game, which is hardly bigger than the 300.3 yards per bold that the Jaguars accept surrendered this season. The alone affair uglier than Dalton activity up adjoin the Jags' aegis will be watching Blake Bortles try to complete a canyon adjoin the Bengals. We ability absolutely see added sacks and interceptions from Dalton and Bortles accumulated than credibility in this game.
The pick: Bengals 16-13 over Jaguars
4:05 p.m. ET (Fox)
I'll be honest here, at 8:16 p.m. ET on Monday, I was accessible to aces the 49ers in this game. I alike had two paragraphs accounting on why I anticipation they were activity to win. Afore deleting everything, I anticipate I mentioned that Carson Palmer with a burst arm would apparently still be a bigger advantage for the Cardinals at quarterback than Drew Stanton. I anticipate I additionally mentioned that I admired the 49ers because this bold had all the adequacy of a archetypal upset, abnormally aback you accede that the 49ers already about exhausted the Cardinals already this division and that bold was played in Arizona (An 18-15 Cards' win).
However, I absolutely afflicted my apperception about this bold afterwards the Jimmy Garoppolo barter happened because I'm appealing abiding the barter was Kyle Shanahan's way of saying, "I accept no acceptance in C.J. Beathard and we're activity to go 0-16 if I don't acquisition a backup for him soon." If Shanahan doesn't accept any acceptance in Beathard, again neither do I. In the two amateur this division area the amateur quarterback has started, the 49ers accept been outscored by 53 credibility (73-20). To put that in perspective, they were alone outscored by 33 credibility in their six added losses COMBINED.
Unfortunately for Shanahan, I anticipate he's ashore with Beathard for at atomic one added anniversary because there's no way Garoppolo is activity to apprentice the playbook in bristles days. However, afterwards this week, I absolutely apprehend Garoppolo to bound acquire the starting job.
The acceptable account for the 49ers is that if Garoppolo is aloof bisected as accomplished as he is handsome, again they're activity to win at atomic seven Super Bowls over the abutting bristles years.
And don't acquaint me seven Super Bowls in bristles years isn't possible. If you're that handsome, anything's possible.
The pick: Cardinals 27-17 over 49ers
4:05 p.m. ET (Fox)
The Seahawks ability assume like a lock in this game, but assurance me, they're not, and that's because no one is a lock to win afterwards arena the Texans. Somehow, the Texans accept angry into the ultimate NFL hangover. Afterwards arena them, you basically attending bashed in your abutting bold and you lose. In what ability be the best astonishing carbon of the year, NFL teams are 0-6 this division afterwards adverse the Texans. I repeat, no aggregation has won a bold the afterward anniversary afterwards adverse Houston.
The Jaguars couldn't do it: They faced the Texans in Anniversary 1 and again absent in Anniversary 2.
The Patriots couldn't do it: They faced the Texans in Anniversary 3 and again absent in Anniversary 4.
The UNDEFEATED Chiefs couldn't alike do it: Afterwards assault the Texans in Anniversary 5, the 5-0 Chiefs anon absent their abutting bold in Anniversary 6. The Bengals, Titans and Browns additionally absent the anniversary afterwards arena the Texans this year. My gut says I should't aces adjoin this streak, but I can't aces the Redskins in this bold because their abrasion address makes it complete like bisected the aggregation was on the accident ancillary of a 15-man action royal.
From a absolutely algebraic standpoint, that seems like a problem. I'll booty the Seahawks over the aggregation that ability not accept abundant players to ample its bold day roster.
The pick: Seahawks 30-23 over Redskins
4:25 p.m. ET (CBS)
It's a acceptable affair I adulation account accidental cloister abstracts in my additional time because that's basically all I've been accomplishing over the accomplished six months, acknowledgment to the Ezekiel Elliott case. Unfortunately for me, it looks like there ability not be abounding added cloister abstracts to apprehend in the approaching because the Elliott case seems to assuredly be accepting abutting and afterpiece to a conclusion. Although Elliott's abeyance was put aback on as of Monday, there's still a adventitious he could comedy adjoin the Chiefs if his acknowledged aggregation files an address and that address is granted. Of course, if that happens, again this case will accept gone on for so continued that John Grisham will apparently address a book about it.
The acceptable account for the Cowboys is that if there's one bold during Elliott's abeyance area they ability not charge him, it's this one. Over the accomplished four weeks, the Chiefs are giving up 150.1 yards per bold on the ground. To put that in perspective, no added aggregation has alike accustomed up 140 yards per bold over that timespan, except the 49ers, but they're 0-8 and if you're actuality compared to a winless aggregation than you've already lost. Also, I anticipate what I'm aggravating to say is that the Cowboys ability be able to run all over the Chiefs, alike after Elliott.
As a affable reminder, Tony Romo and Jim Nantz will be calling this game, which agency we'll be seeing Romo alarm a Cowboys bold for the aboriginal time this season. Of course, Chiefs admirers apparently aren't as aflame to apprehend this account back Kansas City is 0-2 this year aback Romo and Nantz are on the call.
Anyway, if the Cowboys are bisected as acknowledged on the arena as this cat was in Anniversary 8, again they shouldn't accept any botheration acceptable after Zeke.
By the way, that cat was the best aflame I've been about an beastly back the pizza rat went viral in 2015.
The pick: Cowboys 37-34 over Chiefs
Lions 24-17 over Packers
Best pick: Last week, I best the Seahawks to win by three over the Texans and again the Seahawks went out and won by three over the Texans. Now, did I apperceive this bold was activity to about-face into the craziest shootout of the 2017 season? Of advance I did, because they were arena in Seattle and anytime there's a bold in Seattle, there's basically an 85 percent adventitious of article crazy happening. I'm appealing abiding their amphitheater is congenital over a burying arena of 18th aeon clowns because about every bold there turns into a circus.
The Fail Mary? Happened in Seattle.
The batted brawl game? Happened in Seattle.
And now we accept the "one of the teams about didn't comedy because they capital to beef a animadversion fabricated by their owner" game, which will added acceptable be remembered as the "Russell Wilson throws for 452 yards and dances like a blessed elf" game.
I don't alike appetite to apperceive how crazy things are activity to get in Seattle this week, but I'm aloof activity to say I won't be afraid if the Redskins-Seahawks bold ends with Seattle's amulet bistro addition alive.
Worst pick: If seven amateur of watching the Dolphins comedy football this division has accomplished me one thing, it's that I don't apperceive annihilation about the Dolphins. Last week, I best them to win and I additionally anticipation they wouldn't try to annihilate Joe Flacco or asphyxiate bang Ryan Mallett, but I was amiss on all three accounts.
In Miami's defense, aggravating to beating every Ravens quarterback out of the bold was absolutely the Dolphins' alone adventitious of acceptable in Baltimore, but the plan didn't assignment and they still managed to lose by 40. I accept no abstraction what the Dolphins can do to get bigger at this point, but I anticipate drillmaster Adam Gase needs to at atomic accede accepting anybody rub their bodies adjoin corals covered in mucus.
Finally, if you guys accept anytime wondered which teams I'm absolutely acceptable (and bad) at picking, here's a quick look.
Teams I'm 7-1 acrimonious this year: Browns, 49ers, Colts, Eagles, Cardinals (6-1) Lions (6-1) Seahawks (6-1), Saints (6-1)
Teams I'm 1-6 acrimonious this year: Dolphins
Every added aggregation is about in the middle.
Picks Record
Straight up in Anniversary 7: 10-3
SU overall: 72-47
Against the advance in Anniversary 7: 7-6
ATS overall: 59-57-3
You can acquisition John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he's not accomplishing one of those things, he's apparently at the grocery abundance stocking up on avocado toast.
