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Note: If you see a accumulation of addled dervishes on the artery accord `em a advanced berth, man, because if they circuit off-axis they're takin' you down.

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By the Numbers:Days `til the 2006 midterm elections: 110Days `til the Country Bluegrass Festival in Fort Fairfield: 1Number of internet "Tubes!" users in China: 123 million(Source: CNN)Number of acclaim cards in circulation: 1.5 BillionHow abounding cards that equals per U.S. citizen: 5(Source: Center for American Progress)Amount Americans will absorb on affluence bathrooms this year: $22 Billion(Source: Washington Post via The Anniversary magazine)

Your Puppy Pic of the Day: William Wegman... Genius...or Supergenius??

CHEERS to breaking the spell. (via Raw Story) Congressman Gil Gutknecht (R-MN) on Iraq June 15:

"Members, now is not the time to go wobbly. Let's accord achievement a chance."

Congressman Gil Gutknecht on Iraq afterwards absolutely visiting the place:

"The action there is worse than I expected. I accept to be altogether candid: Baghdad is a austere problem. [...] Baghdad is worse today than it was three years ago. [...] We abstruse it's not safe to go anywhere alfresco of the Green Zone any allotment of the day. [...] All of the advice we accept sometimes from the Pentagon and the State Department isn't consistently true. [...] What I anticipate we charge to do added is abjure added Americans"

Welcome to the reality, kiddo. Ain't it a kick??

JEERS to crumbling your aboriginal bullet. President Bush banned his aboriginal bill yesterday, appropriately authoritative the apple safe for patriotic, flag-wavin', tax-payin', mall-shoppin', country music-lovin', acceptable ancient American diminutive $.25 of goo. Let's aloof achievement Congress and all Americans who alive alfresco a petri bowl accept abstruse their assignment over this: He's the decider!

P.S. Smooth move, Prez, banning the columnist from accessory and again surrounding yourself with animal bouncer children. How actual dictator-in-his-last-throes-ish.

CHEERS to One Small Ste... Whoa shiiiiiit...!!! "The Eagle has landed." 37 years ago today, at 10:56pm, Democrat John F. Kennedy's eyes to accept a man on the Moon aural 10 years was accomplished back Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin absolved on the lunar surface. Meanwhile, President Bush's eyes has hit a snag---he's still aggravating to locate Mars in his Rand McNally United States Atlas.

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P.S. Tang, anyone?

GONG!! GONG!! Buddabuddabuddabudda... GONG!!!

This is a C&J Middle East update: What The Hell Is Going On Over There? We accept two reports, starting with our White House Correspondent, Tony Snow:

Tony Snow: Why would it be our war? I mean, it's not on our territory. This is a war in which the United States -- it's not alike a war. What you accept are hostilities, at this point, amid Israel and Hezbollah. I would not characterize it as a war.

And now over to Jon Stewart in our New York Bureau:

Jon Stewart: At 4pm Thursday, CNN asked the question, "Brink of War?" CNN's not sure? Is it war? The border of war? The border of the border of war? A bluff arch to a abruptness catastrophe on a brink...with war??? ... What does it booty for you bodies to lose the catechism mark?!! Finally at 10pm Friday night, CNN clearly removes the catechism mark and declares: we are on..."The Brink." But assumption what? It's absolutely aloof fucking war.

Our abutting What The Hell Is Going On Over There amend comes at the top of the hour. This address sponsored by CrisisTM-brand developed diapers. Back to you, Bill.

GONG!! GONG!! Buddabuddabuddabudda... GONG!!!

JEERS to absolutely bad news. Fed administrator Bernanke bygone (paraphrasing): "I anticipate the American abridgement kinda sucks appropriate now." Wall Street: "Hooraaaaaay!" I'll never amount those guys out.

CHEERS to putting the action in their able place. In today's must-read (via Steve Soto at The Left Coaster), Paul Waldman takes bottomward abnegation hard. Here's a taste:

Conservatism is the credo of the past--a accomplished we don't appetite to acknowledgment to. Liberals charge to embrace the ability war, because we're winning. The adventure of American history is that of bourgeois account and prejudices falling abroad as our association grows added accelerating and appropriately added accurate to our nation's founding ideals. Conservatives accurate slavery, conservatives against women's suffrage, conservatives accurate Jim Crow, conservatives against the 40-hour assignment anniversary and the abolishment of adolescent labor, and conservatives accurate McCarthyism. In short, all the above advancements of abandon and amends in our history were pushed by liberals and against by conservatives, no amount the affair they inhabited at the time.

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Conservatism is Bill Bennett lecturing you about self-denial, again hasty off to augment his aperture addiction at the casino. It's James Dobson cogent you that accouchement charge approved beatings to break in line. It's a age-old nun rapping you on the duke so you won't anticipate about your bedraggled parts. It's Jerry Falwell watching "Teletubbies" anatomy by anatomy to see if Tinky Winky is aggravating to about-face him gay. Abnegation is anybody you never capital to abound up to be.

This aloof in: Jerry Falwell admits he's gay, pines for the lights of Brrrroadwayeeeee! Film at 11.

CHEERS to accepting high. Sir Edmund Hillary, the aboriginal guy boxy abundant (and advantageous enough) to ability the top of Mount Everest, turns 87 today. These canicule he plants a banderole every time he makes it to the top of the stairs.

JEERS to 25% off your abutting hurl! USAir is putting ads on its barf bags. Because there's annihilation added adequate than accepting article to apprehend while you're alarming chunks.

CHEERS to the affray of the mashies. The British Accessible started today at Royal Liverpool. C&J had ambitions of axis pro once...until we begin out about their brainless `No Coolers' rule.

One Year Ago in C&J: July 20, 2005:

JEERS to John Roberts. Bush picks a 50 year-old white macho elitist D.C.-insider millionaire country-clubber who will apparently acquiesce fundy Christian tentacles to clamber added central government, will argue changeable rights, and accurately bottomward minorities...all with adolescent charm. David Souter this ain't.

CHEERS to axle on. The latest American titan to adjudge the airing of CIA accessible Valerie Plame: President Ronald Reagan. The GOP wankers responded: "Yeah, but...but...you...guys! Stop digging that being up!"

And aloof one more...

CHEERS to David Letterman's Top Ten Chapter Titles in George W. Bush's Memoirs...

10. "101 Ways I've Misspelled Condoleezza"

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9. Why Mom and Dad Voted for Kerry"

8. "The Best Memos I've Ever Read"

7. "The War in Iraq, a 6-Foot Sandwich, and Other Things I Started But Couldn't Finish

6. "How to Lose an Election and Still Become President"

5. Acceptable Account America -- Aloof 923 Added Days"

4. "1962-1964: The Cheerleader Years"

3. "Huh?"

2. "Bubba Was Appropriate -- Monica Is Up for Anything"

1. "Chapter 20...Or Is That My Approval Rating?"

Thankfully Chapter 5 can be amended: we're bottomward to 914 days.

Floor's open...What are you auspicious and badinage about today?

Today's Shameless Testimonial:

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"It's acceptable to feel the electricity in Cheers and Jeers. It's like demography a brace activity drinks. I'm up, I'm alert, and I'm a happier person."---Brian BennettAd salesman/Surfer dude

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